So… Here I am. Recently (5 days ago) broken up. Still living in same household as Ex. We obviously have unresolved ‘stuff’ to take care of. For instance an unclaimed 2 for 1 movie ticket that we made plans for using last night for an early show. He stood me up… No call, no text, no nothing.. just didn’t come home until 1 pm the following day. 1.5 hours after we were supposed to be at the movie started I needed to leave the house. I couldn’t be the girl sitting at home ‘waiting’. I couldn’t give him that satisfaction. And this is what I mean about the spite. He knew his actions were going to hurt me, and that is exactly what he wanted to do. And he succeeded and knows it. I just don’t get why he was so nice that morning, at one point even intentionally brushing up against me in passing, and suddenly is so cruel again.
All he had to say when he came home was ‘we broke up remember?’. Well yes I remember. But that does not mean that those words have made my feelings magically disappear. You do not need to treat me worse than you would your friend, or a stranger. I deserve more than that. If you had had plans with anyone else and something came up that caused you to not be able to fulfill those plans – you wouldn’t just leave your friend waiting for you. I am not dirt. And I refuse to let you treat me like I am anymore. You Win.
But why? Clearly it’s for the best. And I think I know the answer. It’s because people are spiteful and hurtful.. some intentionally so, some unintentionally – which can make it hurt all that much more. You have just spent a lot of time with a person and you know what makes them tick. You know what to do that is all in the name of fun, while still making sure that your brand new ex feels the sting of it. (E.g. Going to a house party and posting pics of what a wonderful time you are having with your new found friends that you may or may not be flirting with, or going for dinner with an ex and making sure you are spotted).
All the things you felt restricted about doing, for the betterment of the relationship, are no longer applicable; you are ‘free’ so to speak. But why must you flaunt it, and parade it around like your life has suddenly become the most wonderful life that ever existed? When all that has changed is my presence? Did my presence truly bring your life to a pile of rubble on the floor? I would hope not – otherwise you’ve got some issues to deal with that you should address before your next attempt at love.
Now I understand most of what I say about being ‘free’ and living your life to the fullest after a break up is meant to heal yourself. And it does. We all do it. But I think that is also why breaking up is so hard. It’s why people delete each other from their social media crowd and avoid each other in public. We hate to see how quickly the other person, the person that should be mourning losing you, becomes happy again (or at least presents externally their new found happiness). It crushes our souls to see how ‘meaningless’ we were.
So why? Why not just accept that it sucks. Eat a bowl of ice cream together and help each other reconnect with their inner being. Encourage the person you are breaking up with to find themselves again – before finding another’s bed. You can heal together. You know each other best at that moment, and really are the most qualified person to make the process easier.
Who knows, this approach may actually save some relationships, and leave more people friends in the end.
Note: I do not recommend this for any situations where abuse or cheating are involved. This is simply for break ups for incompatible people.