The Lull

So back to the grind, and back to normality?  The ex has finally calmed down and is once again treating me as a person instead of gum on his shoe he just can’t get rid of.  I fear however, that this will not last and he is simply trying to hold on to some sort of hope for us.  I cannot forget this weekend.  I cannot forget his spite.  This is why this relationship does not work.  It’s the same pattern over and over.. he gets mad over something, overreacts, and does things out of spite for typically 1 day.  His goal this weekend may have been to ‘show me how bad it could be’ and make me grateful for what was.. but all it did was reinforce the behaviour I need to get away from.

Lol.  As I write this, I feel like a teenager in turmoil.  I should mention he is nearly 50 years old – but is behaving as a child.  I am not so old – mid 30’s.  Trying for the first time to be grown-up about a break up and simply accept it sucks, and move on.

Living together should be interesting.  I am stuck here until I can move back into my property that is currently a rental (which happens to also be next door).  It’s definitely a roller coaster.  He made sure to stretch out his legs on the couch and make contact with mine today – so strange for a man who had such hatred a couple of days ago.  It’s less stressful however.  I finally slept last night, and my appetite is slowly returning.  I am not ready to move out – only because it is next door.  I am not ready to face seeing him bring home another girl, hear them in the hot tub, notice that this strange car has been there for the whole weekend, the whole week, or without his vehicle! It’s too soon for that.  I appreciate the fact that it’s the same for him, but I will have roommates next door, so he can only assume one way or another who this strange car is visiting – I on the other hand will know for sure that whoever’s car is there is visiting him.

So, that’s it.  A calmness has settled in.  Perhaps I shall begin to write about my hopes and dreams and plans for the future 🙂

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