Moving Forward

🙂  That’s it!  It makes sense now.  His persistent nagging for me to move out is because he has ‘moved on’ so to speak.  Last night he left the house at 11 pm, and returned at 7 am.  There’s only one type of visit that falls into that category!  Haha.  So, to lighten the awkwardness this morning, as he walked naked from the shower to his room, I light heartedly suggested he should stop that practice after spending the night elsewhere as it sends mixed messages :-).  I then had my own shower.  After getting mostly ready I knocked on his bedroom door to chat about it –  I was very straight about not wanting to know where he spent the night.  I let him know it affected me – I didn’t cry or anything dramatic, just simply stated that of course it affected me.  I then asked if this is why he’s been so persistent about me moving out – as in he doesn’t know how to date while living with the ex?  He just said it’s an awkward situation.  I agreed.  It is.  But then I pointed out it’s comfortable, and probably the least lonely break up ever – not that we spend a lot of time together these days, but it’s comforting not being completely alone all the time.  He agreed that this is the least lonely break up so far.  I also pointed out we still get along.  We can chat – we can laugh – we can not talk at all – just like normal roommates.  I then left the room to keep getting ready.  A few minutes later, he offered to share his latest cheesy jokes, the first two were funny, the third I don’t remember because I started getting teary eyed and was remembering how I loved these cheesy jokes of his.  I kept getting ready.  He drove me to where I needed to go on his way to work.  He asked me if I wanted to go shooting on Sunday (not to kill me – haha – though I suppose keeping loaded guns away for the moment is wise).

So.  I think that was it.  He’s moving on (so am I btw – but not worth mentioning yet) and he does not know how to date and live with me.  I get it.  I don’t know either.  A man I plan on meeting this weekend keeps referring to picking me up – but I don’t think that’s right quite yet.  I feel like I am the one in this break up that will handle these first firsts better.  He’s now spent the night with someone else, so I feel a whole lot less awkward about when I do it.  And I’m glad we were able to just talk about it this morning – that it’s ok – that yes its awkward – but it’s what is going happen.  I want him to be the first to be picked up by another woman too.  It just makes things easier, and I don’t have to worry about his spite and anger 😉

 

 

 

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The Lull

So back to the grind, and back to normality?  The ex has finally calmed down and is once again treating me as a person instead of gum on his shoe he just can’t get rid of.  I fear however, that this will not last and he is simply trying to hold on to some sort of hope for us.  I cannot forget this weekend.  I cannot forget his spite.  This is why this relationship does not work.  It’s the same pattern over and over.. he gets mad over something, overreacts, and does things out of spite for typically 1 day.  His goal this weekend may have been to ‘show me how bad it could be’ and make me grateful for what was.. but all it did was reinforce the behaviour I need to get away from.

Lol.  As I write this, I feel like a teenager in turmoil.  I should mention he is nearly 50 years old – but is behaving as a child.  I am not so old – mid 30’s.  Trying for the first time to be grown-up about a break up and simply accept it sucks, and move on.

Living together should be interesting.  I am stuck here until I can move back into my property that is currently a rental (which happens to also be next door).  It’s definitely a roller coaster.  He made sure to stretch out his legs on the couch and make contact with mine today – so strange for a man who had such hatred a couple of days ago.  It’s less stressful however.  I finally slept last night, and my appetite is slowly returning.  I am not ready to move out – only because it is next door.  I am not ready to face seeing him bring home another girl, hear them in the hot tub, notice that this strange car has been there for the whole weekend, the whole week, or without his vehicle! It’s too soon for that.  I appreciate the fact that it’s the same for him, but I will have roommates next door, so he can only assume one way or another who this strange car is visiting – I on the other hand will know for sure that whoever’s car is there is visiting him.

So, that’s it.  A calmness has settled in.  Perhaps I shall begin to write about my hopes and dreams and plans for the future 🙂