🙂 That’s it! It makes sense now. His persistent nagging for me to move out is because he has ‘moved on’ so to speak. Last night he left the house at 11 pm, and returned at 7 am. There’s only one type of visit that falls into that category! Haha. So, to lighten the awkwardness this morning, as he walked naked from the shower to his room, I light heartedly suggested he should stop that practice after spending the night elsewhere as it sends mixed messages :-). I then had my own shower. After getting mostly ready I knocked on his bedroom door to chat about it – I was very straight about not wanting to know where he spent the night. I let him know it affected me – I didn’t cry or anything dramatic, just simply stated that of course it affected me. I then asked if this is why he’s been so persistent about me moving out – as in he doesn’t know how to date while living with the ex? He just said it’s an awkward situation. I agreed. It is. But then I pointed out it’s comfortable, and probably the least lonely break up ever – not that we spend a lot of time together these days, but it’s comforting not being completely alone all the time. He agreed that this is the least lonely break up so far. I also pointed out we still get along. We can chat – we can laugh – we can not talk at all – just like normal roommates. I then left the room to keep getting ready. A few minutes later, he offered to share his latest cheesy jokes, the first two were funny, the third I don’t remember because I started getting teary eyed and was remembering how I loved these cheesy jokes of his. I kept getting ready. He drove me to where I needed to go on his way to work. He asked me if I wanted to go shooting on Sunday (not to kill me – haha – though I suppose keeping loaded guns away for the moment is wise).
So. I think that was it. He’s moving on (so am I btw – but not worth mentioning yet) and he does not know how to date and live with me. I get it. I don’t know either. A man I plan on meeting this weekend keeps referring to picking me up – but I don’t think that’s right quite yet. I feel like I am the one in this break up that will handle these first firsts better. He’s now spent the night with someone else, so I feel a whole lot less awkward about when I do it. And I’m glad we were able to just talk about it this morning – that it’s ok – that yes its awkward – but it’s what is going happen. I want him to be the first to be picked up by another woman too. It just makes things easier, and I don’t have to worry about his spite and anger 😉
So, In my mind it is still lull time. And it’s been over a week? Nothing really dramatic or exciting going on. The ex is somewhat pestering me about moving out earlier than when I can get back into my own house. Though I am not sure where he expects me to go. We have been living together for 5 years, and unfortunately for me we started dating shortly after I moved to this city. So sadly, I do not have a wide range of friends. Not ones that I can impose on for 4 months anyways!
So, I say, why can’t we be grown up about this? We are supposed to be grown ups after all. I completely agree with him that living together for 4 months is not an ideal situation, but honestly for me, it’s better than what he proposing I should do – get the first dive I can move into asap and get out. Don’t you admire those couples who can remain friends after a break up and still treat each other with dignity and respect. I know I do. That’s the kind of person I want to be. I just wish the ex wanted to be like that too.
He has one friend who recently went through a break up and was living with his ex for a couple of months while the ex found a place. I remember when he told us this story, neither of us thought it was weird… We both thought it was mighty BIG of him. To be able to play nice. So, I reminded my ex of this tonight. Hopefully he thinks about it some more and becomes a big man himself.
And, I must say. It’s rather comforting still living here. For me, we have already fallen into roommate mode. It’s easy. It’s not lonely. It’s comfortable. We joke, share stories about our day that the other person has the background to understand without a lengthy explanation, watch tv together sometimes. Now by no means do I plan on extending my stay, but I am not feeling the desire to get out immediately either. I see no reason why we cannot live amicably for 4 more months – we managed for 5 years after all 🙂
So, I was searching on the internet for the typical amount of time ex’s cohabitate after a break up thinking maybe I am being unreasonable – and Nada! I seen one post with 5 people’s situations. Not something I can conclude is typical. But they did range from 6 weeks to a year and a half! So I’d say 4 months is not so bad. Of course we have ‘rules’. Don’t bring a date home, etc. That seems completely reasonable to me. What I am a little fuzzy on, is a date picking you up. It doesn’t seem so bad, but I suppose it may crush the other person if they themselves are not at that stage yet. I suppose to be safe and respectful, no dates picking us up is completely reasonable.
*fingers crossed* one of my tenants moves out sooner rather than later.